Maintaining a long distance relationship
A long distance relationship is like anything worthwhile – it’s work. Damn hard work, sometimes.
That being said, even though a long distance relationship is worth the work, the situation does present some unique challenges compared to your normal everyday local relationship.
And, yes, these challenges will vary from one LDR to another, but the basis is usually quite similar – how can you realistically maintain a long distance relationship with your partner?
In a “normal” relationship, you get to see your partner as often as you like. Your relationship is more than phone calls, FaceTime and Snaps 95% of the time. Keeping things fresh and interesting and maintaining a local relationship is a very different experience to trying to maintain an LDR.
So – how do you maintain your relationship with your long distance love?
It comes down to patience, communication and persistence; knowing what you want and not letting the pain or inconvenience of being separated talk you out of going after it.
That all takes time, though. And this is something you need to work through with your partner. But to get you started, here are a few actionable points to follow to make maintaining a long distance relationship easier…
1. Get creative
The humdrum repetition of being in an LDR can get anyone down from time to time. Sure, you’re thrilled to get texts and Snaps from your honey all throughout the day, and knowing that when you get home you can finally have a conversation and hear their voice is amazing. But, after a while, this can start to feel stale, or even just a little repetitive.
This is why you must find a way to be creative. For example, instead of sending the same “Hey, how are you today?” mix it up with random, fun questions that will help you learn things about your love you never knew before. Something like “What’s your third favourite dinosaur?” or “You can only take one book to a desert island – what is it?” is so much more fun and interesting.
This opens up different discussions that are playful and interesting. It also keeps you from dwelling on how much you miss each other during your conversations. It’s easy to slip into a habit of just talking about how much you want to be together, but isn’t it better to spend the time you do get to talk doing something different and having fun conversations?
2. Include your partner
If you’ve read our other blog posts, you’ll know how important we think it is to maintain balance when you’re in an LDR and still take care of yourself.
If you are properly maintaining that balance, you’re getting out of the house, spending time with friends and still enjoying the activities you participated in before you dove into a long distance relationship. That’s great – do those things! It’s so important to your mental health, and it is beyond difficult to maintain a long distance relationship effectively if your mental health is not being tended to.
We cannot stress that last point enough!
But, that’s not to say that you should totally isolate your partner when you’re out and about on vacations with your family or enjoying time with your friends. The separation that distance presents is tough, so not getting to talk when you normally do can also be a struggle. Thankfully, it doesn’t take much to make your partner feel included.
Send pictures, a little message to say you’re thinking of them and wish they were there. Let them know when that song plays in the bar that always makes you think of them. Send them a racy photo in your underwear as you’re getting ready to go out. This establishes an interconnectivity that transcends distance.
That’s what love does, afterall.
3. Keep the communication flowing
If you know anything about us, you know we are total communication whores. In fact, some people might think that we over communicate as a couple. There is little to no mystery in our relationship, and we constantly work to improve the way we communicate in our relationship.
Not everybody is a naturally strong communicator. That’s ok. But it doesn’t mean you have to remain that way. If you want to maintain your long distance relationship, you need to make sure those words are flowing and stat.
When you’re apart, all you have is words and images like selfies, Snaps, or photos of little things that you see and remind you of your long distance love. When you spend the vast majority of your lives apart from each other, your relationship is literally constant communication. The good news is, this constant requirement to communicate will help you get better at it if you’re someone who does tend to struggle with this.
Be open, be honest, and don’t be afraid to ask for what you want and need from your partner. Tell them when they’ve upset you, but make sure you do it in a respectful and mature way.
Another important way to communicate is to anticipate your love’s needs by asking them if they’re ok, if you’re meeting their needs or if they want you to do anything more, less or differently.
Your long distance relationship is what you make it. Sure, there will be outside challenges like logistics, time differences, ticket prices and disapproving family members or friends. Not all of that is in your control, but just like any relationship, the dynamic you cultivate with your significant other is down to both of you.
Nourish your relationship with the above points and it’ll all go a long way in helping you maintain your LDR so that you can make it through to that long-awaited day when you close the distance and can live your life out as a “normal” couple.
Have we missed anything? Leave a comment below and let us know.